I think my vagina is haunted
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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