Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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