you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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