In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
