remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
