i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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