you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
