hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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