I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
