that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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