my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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