yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
