ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
