now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
