Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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