WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
