I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
