Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
