i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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