I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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