Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
