id be glad to
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
