Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
