i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
