I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
