Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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