twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
