I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
