Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Holy sore nipples Batman
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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