if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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