What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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