is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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