woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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