in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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