The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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