And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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