Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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