He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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