He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i think i just lost a toe
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
