its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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