i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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