doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
