just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How external is "for external use only"?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
