Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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