I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
