dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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