you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
