its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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