You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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