There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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