You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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