My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
