I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
