Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
