I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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