Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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